


The Last Straw

by TheBearMuse



Series: Allison Hawke [5]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2020-12-23 23:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21089846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBearMuse/pseuds/TheBearMuse
Summary: Allison Hawke reaches a breaking point in the wake of the most fateful decision of her life.





	The Last Straw

The Gallows looked bleaker on the inside than Allison would have ever thought possible. _So this is where I might have ended up if things had gone differently._ Bethany too, if she had survived to see Kirkwall. Allison could not imagine being forced to live here in the darkness with abusive templars at the doors. Not that they were all bad. She had always gotten along with Ser Cullen. Even though he knew what she was, he had never come to take her to the Circle. Ser Thrask and Ser Emeric had done their best by the mages. And then there was Carver.

A chill ran up her spine. Allison had not had time to process what had happened. It was all so sudden. She knew she should be preparing for the upcoming fight, but instead she found the events of the past few hours flashing through her mind.

Elthina was dead. As was Anders, by Allison's own hand. Dead because he, the sworn healer, had blown up the bloody chantry. He'd put so many lives at risk, knowing he'd lose his own as well. And now she was defending those lives, the mages of the Circle, against the templars she'd been helping up until a few hours ago. Defending them against...her brother. She couldn't kill her little brother, the only family she had left. But she wasn't so sure he'd feel the same way. After all, she was the one breaking the law. The illegal mage now openly aligned with other apostates. A criminal.

_Maker no._ Allison's blood froze. She could never be viscountess now. She had made her choice so quickly and without thought. It was the right thing to do. But it came with a price. Everything had been so neatly arranged before. A political marriage that also happened to carry with it....great affection, if nothing else. Even now, she could not even think the other word. It had driven her for six years, but she could not assume it came from him too. And now she could never have Sebastian. He would have to choose someone in a position of power. Someone practical. Someone...not her.

The room suddenly felt too small. Allison retreated to a corner of the prison, wishing she could be anywhere else in Thedas. She wanted to do nothing more than curl up in a ball, but that would surely attract unwanted attention. Tears welled up in her eyes, blinding her and giving her the illusion of solitude.

A gentle touch on her shoulder made her jump. The tears fell down her cheeks unbidden. Allison wiped them away quickly as she turned. Sebastian's concerned eyes met hers. She dropped her gaze immediately. She couldn't chance the tears returning. "Allison." Hearing his voice, normally soothing, drove a knife into her heart. She didn't want his pity, especially not when his heart was broken too. He had lost Elthina, his surrogate mother. The last of his family.

"I'm sorry about the grand cleric," she heard herself say. Her tone was surprisingly calm, not betraying her crumbling insides.

There was the briefest of pauses. Sebastian's breath caught in his throat before he replied. "She is at the side of the Maker." Sorrow tinged his voice, but did not drown it. "I hope she has found even a small amount of peace through the justice done to her murderer."

_Justice._ The mere mention of the word made her shudder in anger and grief. She balled her hands into fists, willing herself not to fall apart. "Now there's a word I never want to hear again," Allison muttered. As her back tensed, she shifted so that Sebastian's hand slipped off. "There's nothing just about any of this." _Dammit Anders._ She could not even bear to say his name aloud. Would she ever be able to? He had saved her life once. But look how many he took in the name of the greater good... She hadn't been able to return the favor. _A debt that can never be repaid._

Sebastian seemed to know what she was thinking even without her saying it. "At least we're protecting the innocent from the consequences of his actions."

"Not all of them." She could not keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Between _him_, Meredith, and Orsino, so many have died already. The cost is too great." No sooner had the words passed her lips than her mind was filled with an image of her mother and brother. A lump rose in her throat and refused to move. She knew Orsino was somehow connected to Quentin and therefore Leandra's death. And now, thanks to the events of the past few hours, she and Carver might be forced to kill each other. Breathing suddenly took effort she did not have. Allison sank to the floor.

She felt Sebastian kneel beside her, waves of concern flowing off him. Something inside her broke. Her tears flowed freely. Allison grabbed blindly for a handkerchief in one of the pouches at her hip. Sebastian had given her those twin pouches. _At least I'll have them to remember him by,_ she thought dully. A strangled sob escaped her, barely muffled by her handkerchief. Her hands were trembling so badly that she could barely hold it in place.

Warm arms encircled her, offset by the coldness of the armor encasing them. Sebastian held her as close to him as he dared, taking great care not to jab her with any of the pointy bits. A very tiny voice in the back of her head wanted to comment on her word choice, but Allison squashed that thought wearily. Even knowing that this could not last, Sebastian's presence was soothing. They had not been this close together since that day on the Wounded Coast.

"I'm sure Carver will come around before it's too late," he told her reassuringly. "He almost left with us before."

"Almost." Allison had seen the conflict on Carver's face, not that said hesitation had stopped him from following orders. _That stubborn ass._ "But he didn't. I lost him." Lost. The word heightened her awareness of how fleeting this moment was. "I lost everything." Her voice broke. Even if she survived the forthcoming battle, she had no future. She truly had nothing.

"You still have friends loyal to you." Allison could feel Sebastian's breath on her ear. She would miss this closeness. "You still have me."

She wanted to believe that. But she knew it was impossible. "You're...you're going back to Starkhaven," Allison sobbed.

Sebastian shifted around so that he could see her face. "And you're coming with me," he reminded her with a puzzled frown.

It was too much for Allison to bear. "How can I? I'm nothing. I no longer bring Kirkwall with me. I'm just an apostate openly supporting other apostates." The truth hurt even more out loud. "I can't go to Starkhaven. I'd only bring trouble for you and everyone else."

Sebastian had gone very still. "Is that truly what you think?" Allison waited for him to release her. He did not. "You're not nothing," he said softly, but firmly. "You're a great leader, with or without Kirkwall behind you." He took her hand, the one not holding the handkerchief. "Whatever happens here, there will be trouble everywhere, innocents caught between mages and templars. What's one rogue apostate champion in all that?" Sebastian gently brushed his lips against the backs of her fingers, his eyes never leaving hers. "This changes nothing. Assuming that we both make it out of here alive, of course."

Had she somehow slipped into the Fade? Was she being held captive by a desire demon? These words could not possibly be real. "That...that can't be," she stammered as Sebastian kissed the back of her hand. "Starkhaven needs a more practical alliance."

Sebastian smiled. "If there's one thing I've learned being around you, Hawke, it's that some people inspire loyalty regardless of their station. Sometimes that's more important than coming with a title."

Allison searched Sebastian's face for any hint that he might actually be a demon in disguise. His eyes were sincere, as they always were. She dug a nail into the palm of her hand under the cover of her handkerchief. _Ow._ Nothing changed. This did appear to be real. "So I'm still useful?" she blurted out.

_Maker's breath, that was not the right thing to say._ Sebastian's smile vanished and his eyes filled with hurt. "It's more than that. You know I love you, Allison. The - oof!"

Allison felt the wind go out of him as she threw her arms around him and squeezed as tightly as she could with their armor in the way. He had never said so before. Not in words. Without that, she could not have been completely certain...and even if he had, he had other obligations. But this...this was more than she had ever hoped for.

"I do," she murmured into his ear in a daze. "But to hear it..." Allison trailed off. The way he was smiling now, it was as though he was keeping a secret for her. After six years of that smile, she could not stand it anymore. She kissed him, making up for those years without them with that single kiss. And somehow, in that moment, Allison knew that no matter what happened, she had a chance. She had hope.


End file.
